Winning at Grief!

What does it mean to win at grief?  In my experience, it’s finding meaning, purpose, and relevance in our life and in the life of our departed loved one, as a result of their passing.  As bizarre as it sounds, it’s uncovering the hidden gifts they left behind for us to find – that we were completely unaware of.  And…it’s losing our fear of dying, perhaps, even of living.

So, how do we accomplish this?   I share some of what has worked for me and my coaching clients by utilizing my own true personal experiences with loss. I went from not caring if I lived or died, to wanting to help all of us to flourish.

I believe we are spiritual beings having a human experience.  This means we need to grapple with the human physical grief and the spiritual or conscious awakening that the death of a beloved can deliver – simultaneously.  I do this by visualizing the body in two parts.  The yin-yang symbol works for me.

Let’s choose the black half and label that the “physical” grief that needs to be healed.  I wish I could say “abracadabra” and your grief would disappear, but sadly, as you know, it doesn’t work like that.  One tool I use is my “alphabet” of activities to help you heal the physical side of your grief:

A.  Act.  Act kindly towards yourself and others.  Do an act of kindness for someone else.

B.  Be.  Be yourself.  Be with your grief.  Be loving.

C.  Cry.  Cry as many tears as you have to.  Crying is a proven release.

D.  Do.  Do something to nurture yourself and another individual.  Dance.

E.  Exercise.  Even if it is a walk to the corner.  Take care of your body.  You will need your stamina.

F.  Feel.  Feel your pain.  You cannot heal what you cannot feel.

G.  Grieve.  Grieve for as long as you need.  Don’t judge yourself or compare.  There is Gift from your loved one in the grief.

H.  Honor.  Honor your loved one in a fashion you, and they, will understand and appreciate.

I.  Invite.  Invite others to grieve with you.  They will be touched.  Don’t grieve alone.

J.  Join.  Join a grief group or other supportive organization.  Journal your feelings and emotions.

K.  Know.  Know that the spirit of your loved one lives on.  Know that you will heal, even when you believe it’s impossible.

L.  List.  List everything you don’t ever want to forget about your loved one.  Write it down or put it in your phone.

M.  Meditate.  It helps.  It works.  Read my blogs:  Meditation Made EZ and Upside Down Meditation.

N.  Nourish.  Nourish your body, mind, and soul.  Eat healthy food, sleep, and pray.

O.  Own.  Own your feelings.  Hold your own private celebration of life for your loved one.  Get creative.

P.  Pray.  Praying is believed to help you AND the one on the other side.

Q.  Quote.  Quote your loved one.  It will make you feel better.  Find soothing quotes online or in books.

R.  Read.  Read books about grief and the afterlife – or read my blogs.  They help!

S.  Scrapbook.  Make a scrapbook with pictures and mementos that you can look at everyday and

save forever.

T.  Talk.  Talk to your loved one.  Many believe and trust like I do – that they hear every word.  It helps you too.

U.  Understand.  Understand that people will say the wrong thing.  Their intentions are usually pure.

V.  Vibrate.  Raising your vibration or consciousness will help you heal and possibly connect with your loved one.

W.  Write.  Write a letter to the one you are missing.  Write down everything you want to never forget.

X.  Xerox.  Xerox or make copies of everything you want to save and put them in your scrapbook or safe place.

Y.  Yell.  Yell, scream, cry into your pillow or do what you have to in order to release your grief.

Z.  Zen.  Zen out after all the yelling and pounding of pillows and be humbly grateful for everything you do have.

Now let’s talk about the other “half” of the body or the “white” side of the yin-yang symbol, which I am referring to as the conscious portion or spiritual side.  Before we do that, however, I want to give you some statistics.

According to a 2009 study conducted by the Pew Research Center more than thirty percent of Americans (122.8 million) claim to have been in touch with someone who has already died.  Half of all Americans claim to have had a religious or mystical experience and thirteen percent claim to have seen or sensed the presence of an angel.  Fifteen million have a history of a Near Death Experience (NDE).  Prior to July 10, 2017, I was one of those fifty percent of Americans with no experience whatsoever with anyone or anything to do with the afterlife.  In fact, I had very little experience with death at all.

That all changed when Craig tragically died on July 10, 2017.  Craig had been a physical therapist and personal trainer and I had been working with him for a couple of years when he shockingly had a heart attack and died.  While he was alive, I never knew that we had a “soul connection” and that he would end up being my afterlife coach as a “soul” therapist, and “soul” trainer; but that is precisely what happened.   Craig left evidential signs for me every day for sixteen months after he left this realm.  Now I get to be that “soul trainer and therapist”  for you as I share the timeless wisdom, staggering signs, and continuing communications from him to help heal your grief.

LOVE  is energy.  Science teaches us that energy can neither be created nor destroyed.  Energy can only be transferred or change from one form to another.  Therefore, love cannot be destroyed, but it can change form.  Love is all there is.  In her New York Times best-selling book, A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson states, “Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we have learned here.  The spiritual journey is the relinquishment – or unlearning – of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts.  Love is the essential existential fact.  It is our ultimate reality and our purpose on earth.  To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life.”

FORGIVE is the most important word in the English language – at least that is my assessment.  I believe it is also the hardest thing to do – especially when it comes to forgiving ourselves.  Lewis B. Smedes states, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” People often don’t forgive because they think that if they do forgive, they are admitting that what happened was okay.  They are mistaken.  In forgiving we accept what transpired and we are now willing to let go of the resentment and the hurt.  It also doesn’t mean that you have to forget, but you can release it.  When you know that love never dies, you also know that it is never too late to forgive or ask for forgiveness.

TRUST is the reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, and surety of something.   Trust your intuition or inner guidance.  Ask for signs and trust the results.   Trust your Higher Self – your soul.  Allow things to be.  If you have doubted yourself and tended to let others determine your self-worth, you need to know that you are worthy, and you are deserving.  Know that there are opportunities to learn.  Trust in life.  Trust in the spiritual.  Trust in your Higher Self.  Trust in you.

FLOURISH by coming to know and understand how grief is a gift. Work diligently on yourself to find meaning in your life and find a way to honor your beloved.   When I first heard that grief was a gift, I was angry and furious.  How dare anyone say that!  When I was grieving I became like an onion, crying while I peeled the layers away exposing myself to myself.  When I emerged from the grieving process, I finally understood the gift of grief is not in the grief itself; but in embracing that there is life after this life AND in this life.  No pun intended, but I was scared to death to die.  Now I am not afraid to live or die.  Now I am in the “flourish” phase.

THURSDAY, APRIL 29, 1:00 PM Pacific Daylight Time

On Thursday, April 29, at 1:00 PM Pacific Daylight Time you are invited to join me on a FREE Zoom event, Winning at Grief, to learn more about my healing work, upcoming programs, workshops, and special offers.  If you are new to my blog, you should know that I am not a medium or a physic.  My work is based on personal life-changing experiences.  Additionally, I am a certified life coach, trauma facilitator, and a non-denominational minister with a master’s degree in Energy Medicine.

You need to email me at deeringdianne@gmail.com  to recieve the Zoom link for the free introduction and/or the recording.  (Don’t forget the second “n” in Dianne.)

Please share this with your friends struggling with loss, especially during this unprecedented time of COVID – even if it’s the loss of a furry friend.