Dear Dee – A Tribute

Losing a loved one is hard – no matter what.  The thing that has helped me the most in these sad traumatic times is to write a detailed letter to the one I am missing.  I like to include all the things that I don’t ever want to forget.

Recently my dear and precious friend, Dee, died.  She was 91.  It’s odd that we were so close in that there was a 26-year age difference.  To me, she was ageless.  She epitomized all the things I wanted to be and she was fun and sensitive at the same time.

We met at the gym at the retirement community where we both lived almost 5 years ago.  She was at the gym every day and spent several hours there, so I continually bumped into her.  I was formally introduced to her by Craig, my valued friend and personal trainer, when I started working out with him on a regular basis.  He adored her and told me she was his “mama-san” or substitute mother.  He could not say enough wonderful things about her.  And so began the mutual admiration of Dee.

Closer to 90 than 80 when we met, she was strong – in every sense of the word!  I believe she weighed her age and could lift more weight than I could and had more stamina.  She had a smile that was contagious.  She knew everybody at the gym and every one had a fondness for her.  If for some reason she wasn’t at the gym on a particular day, her phone rang off the hook with people checking to see where she was.  Here she is on the cover of the monthly magazine for our community featuring the fitness program.

At Christmas time she had a tragic accident when she forgot about her oxygen tank when she lit an advent candle.  She was air-lifted to the burn unit in San Bernardino after her hair and face caught fire.  I believe her friends and family thought that would be the end for Dee, but she was so resilient.  What a trooper.  She made an astounding recovery.  I thought she was still beautiful even with all the bandages.

After the accident it became apparent that she would need a little more care, and at 91 she moved to an assisted living facility in Santa Maria, California near to one of her daughters.   We continued to communicate via Facebook Messenger and the phone.   (Yes, at 91 she was very techie!)  We were scheduled to see her on Sunday, August 25, when I was in Santa Maria and couldn’t wait for our visit.  She was anxious to meet my Brian.  Sadly, she passed away the Thursday night before our intended arrival and now I am sharing the letter that I wrote to her.

My Dearest Dee,

As I write this letter I am surrounded by things that make me think of you and feel your presence around me.  I am looking at the Bonsai tree you gave me before you left your home.  It is now in my room at my new home and I smile each time I look at it It reminds me exactly where you had it at your house.  You knew I loved that little plant and though I thanked you for it, I want to thank you again.  Not only for the tree, but for you being you.

I am wearing the workout pants you gave me because you had too many to take to Santa Maria.  I love them and they make me feel close to you.  And the coat!  When we were in the dessert it was hard to believe that I would ever need a coat, but in my new home in northern California – it’s perfect!  You were always so stylish and so well dressed!

Dee, I will never forget all our chats at the gym and at your cozy little home.   And we had so much fun at Tai Chi.  You were the teacher’s pet!  I played Mexican Train with you and the girls for the first time and loved the game.  And the Margaritas!

Dee, thank you for being such a great listener and not ever judging.  Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience with me when I was going through some very difficult times.

Thanks too for being such an advocate for my business.  I sold a lot of protein shakes because of you!  I hope they have them in heaven!

I know you loved Craig as if he were your own son.  Craig expressed the essence of you and I couldn’t say it any better, so I will quote him.  This is what he told me, “Dee is very important to me.  She’s a beautiful, astute, and powerful woman.  In her prime, when she was slightly younger, she was very aware and very sensitive.  She is like a mother to me and in some way helped me to fulfill my role of looking after my mother.  She brings me joy and I love her.”  And I feel the same way.

When Craig died in July of 2107, our entire community felt a sense of loss as they do now with your crossing.   I know that we all have different beliefs about what happens when we die and nobody knows for sure, but I do believe that Craig was there when you “crossed over” and that he is there with you now and that brings me great joy!

Please share your precious memories if you knew Dee or those of someone dear to you.